-Episode 1-

You're probably wondering who I am and why should you continue watching this. Well I'm an ex GameStop employee who really sucks at photoshop and I'm here to save you money. How am I going to do that? Simple: By showing why you should never do business with GameStop. If you've never seen a Gamestop before, they're a store that specializes in selling used games. Lately they've been spreading like syphilis at a frat house and I'd personally like to put stop to that. There are a lot of people like me who highly dislike GameStop but you can't truly hate the company until you've actually worked there. Only when you've been in the trenches can you truly know how badly they're ripping people off. Fortunately the overpaid corporate halfwits got the bright idea to give away the core their business model on the back of the employee name tags.

There are the four core parts of the GameStop “Circle of Life”: Reservations, Trades, Used Sales, and Subscriptions. Despite the fact that Reservations at the top center of the card it's not the crux of
GameStop's profits. I found that it used to be common misconception in a gaming news media that GameStop's life blood was in reservations. The heart of GameStop's operation is actually in the buying and selling of used games. So I'd figure I'd get to the point and attack GameStop there first in case you forgot to pop your Ritalin today or my complete lack of artistic ability causes your eyes to bleed.

Before I continue, let me point out the fact this series is not meant for the wee ones. At times I swear like a sailor that is getting his genitals sautéed, and more than one reference is made to people having unpleasant things happen to their rectums. For kids with no parents in the room, you already know when there's something they're not supposed to watch, it something cool like people getting sliced in half or boobies. Any warning to not watch is just going to make you want to watch it more, so at least don't be stupid and keep the volume down. Oh yeah, and all of you are probably going to want to fullscreen this because it wasn't 'til I did 3000+ frames that I realized the text was hard to read on youtube sized videos.

Used Sales
If you've ever walked into a GameStop before and took a good look around you would have noticed that most of their stock consists of used games and accessories. Somewhere along the line GameStop realized they could make more money by buying then selling used games that can be sold for less than new and add more to the bottom line. If you're a loyal, Edge Card carrying GameStop shopper you probably think I'm full of crap for hating GameStop. You say their used stock allows you to buy games for less which at the end of the day saves you money. I'll concede that buying a used games is a good way to save money but when it comes used games, GameStop is below the bottom of the barrel.

By typing "Grand Theft Auto IV used PS3" into Google, I found an E-Bay auction with it going for $38 including shipping when GameStop had it for $55. Of course you have you have to be careful when shopping on E-bay because there are douchebags who will try to scam you if you're not careful. Always make sure to buy from reputable sellers, and know a scam when you see it. Honestly though, if you're dumb enough to pay a claimers fee for the lottery you won in Nigeria, I have a nice DVD rewinder you might be interested in. Along with online auction sites like Ebay, there are sites like minimally designed Craigslist. Craigslist allow people to post want ads for whatever they have to offer. They have ads for just about everything from video games to people that want to be spanked. A quick search showed people that are willing to sell Grand Theft Auto IV for $35. If you're paranoid about getting scammed by random sellers on the net, Amazon's less random featured sellers also came up and they had it from $34. The most expensive of the new selection was still less than GameStop's used price. So this 2 minute google search shows buying used is a great way to save money, just as long as you don't do it at GameStop.

For the veterans of the internet among you, everything I just said can be best replied with “no shit sherlock”, but working at GameStop you find just how oblivious people are to wonderful world of internet shopping. The average person either just uses it for e-mail or is a 17 year old myspace addict who will have a seizure if she goes 90 seconds without checking her comments. If all you do is hop from store to store, you're missing out on quite a bit. By shopping online you can instantly browse and compare at tons of locations to get what you want. Even places that you think strictly as brick and mortar like Best Buy will have exclusive deals on their website that you sometimes can't get in their store. If you're one of those who still haven't caught on to the internet market place, you start looking into doing more of your shopping there because just using the internet for just procrastinating at work is actually costing you money.

You say don't like shopping online and prefer to shop in person. If you're going the brick and mortar route, there's better options than GameStop. Hollywood Video's baby brother GameCrazy also does the used game thing and I found they had Grand Theft Auto IV for the same price. You may say GameCrazy basically has a copy/pasted version of the GameStop model, but there's at least one bullshit practice that I've never seen them do. You see, when GameStop notices that demand goes up for an old game, they decide to be a dick about it raise the price. GameCrazy still had it at $10 so keep this in mind when you're looking for some games you can't find new any more. I went to a nearby play N trade and again found it for pretty much the same price. But I found something else that I've never seen at GameStop before. The display copies had shrink wrap on them so the last copy in the store isn't sticky with kids germs. The used games actually had some sort of box art on them. A used copy of Silent Hill 2 caught my attention, and I when saw the disc it looked like it would actually play. I saw the same game at GameStop for $5 more, and without the case and booklet. GameStop's competitors while smaller, actually seem to put an effort to make sure their product doesn't look like ass.

And then there's.... well what else is there really? Instead of competing, GameStop realized they could wave their big sacks of cash around and buy anybody that goes against them. Since they're the only game in town they can do what ever want, even sell used games for more than what they cost when they came out. When you really think about it, the difference in price between new and used games at GameStop is quite laughable. But the people who buy used games don't get ripped off as badly as the poor saps who sell these games to GameStop.

Trades
For those of you who have traded-- actually, the word "trade" is inaccurate term because "trade" implies that you've giving something to get something equal in exchange. The deceptive use of the word “trade” seems to work because I've actually had times where kids have given me their games they bought ages ago and expected me to give them a brand new game in return. Of course people who have sold their games at GameStop know that "trades" are as equal as getting protection in exchange for your man flower.

The way it works is that you give GameStop your games and each game has a set value. If you're lucky you'll get about half of what you paid for you game. I never found out who set GameStop's bullshit trade prices that somehow managed to amaze me even after working there for months but I had feeling it was Scrooge McDuck with an elephant tusk lodged in his ass. Once GameStop has your game, they sell it back for about double of what you sold it to them for. It always amazes me that people willingly piss away their money like this. I once saw a kid trade in his sealed copy of Smackdown vs Raw 07 he got as a gift for $25 credit the week it came out. Before he even left the store the game got sold to the next person in line for $55 dollars cash. As bad as these prices sound, they're considered ideal conditions by GameStop's standards and probably the most you'll get for game. These are the prices you would get if you buy a game the day it came out and sold them back to GameStop before you left the store.

If you have sports games to sell expect even less even though GameStop will charge the same as with any other game. If you want to trade in last years version don't expect enough to get yourself a happy meal. Although to be fair, it also has to do with the fact EA sells same game every year and will continue doing so as long as people are willing to pay $60 for it. It's a similar situation for games based movies and TV shows, which either designed to be a glorified advertisements or just capitalize on the popularity of an existing franchise. Not to mention the fact that they almost always suck considerable amounts of ass. You can also expect to get less for your games if you have the gall to actually take time to play them. At the time I pasted together this together, Bioshock hasn't even been out for six months. Bioshock has won numerous awards and it's a game you'd expect to get a decent trade in value out of. But because you decided to keep it more than 2 minutes, GameStop has cut the amount of credit down to $20. At least GameStop was kind enough to also cut the price from $55 to $50. 

Believe it or not the trade values get worse when you trade in a system. On current gen systems GameStop will give you about $160 for a Wii, $115 for a 360 and $270 for a PS3. Then they'll mark up a used Wii to $230, a Used 360 to $220, and a used PS3 to $450. Here's the kicker, when they resell a 360 or Wii they don't even sell the complete package. A little trick GameStop likes to pull when they take in a 360 is that they take in the system and that hard drive separately then sell them individually to maximize profits. Then when you buy a used Wii they sell the system without Wii sports. If you were to buy a used copy of Wii sports with your console to complete the package, the difference in price between new and used would only be $10. They do this shit with game bundles too, If you were to trade in the Hitman Trilogy, they would take it in as 3 individual games which when purchased together used they cost more than buying the trilogy new.

What makes this even more insane, is that these values aren't for actual cash but for store credit. It's a pretty clever system really. By giving you store credit you have to spend your money at GameStop so they never really lose the money they give you. If you want something you can use for goods and services, which is what money is supposed to be used for, you'll get 20% off their already crap values. This means a Wii goes to $128, a Used 360 goes to $92, and a used PS3 goes to $216. Another trick GameStop likes to pull is is flat pricing on every SKU. If you bring in a sealed game, you'll get the same credit as some who threw away the case and used the disc to trowel cement. They use flat pricing for selling games too, and having to shell out $55 for a game that doesn't even have the case and booklet is a kick in the balls. They also use this method of fleecing with their "new" games. As you many of know, GameStop likes to sell opened games as new. Due to the flat pricing on SKUs, just as long as it's never been played in a console, you'll have to pay $60 dollars for GTA 4 even if it's been dipped in Rosie O Donnel's menstrual blood.

When you have a business model designed to rip people off to maximize profits, your company is going to make a lot of money which is why GameStop has exploded over the past 3 years. This is all because GameStop turned their stores into a bunch of “upscale pawn shops” as the guys at Penny Arcade like to call them. But the term "upscale pawnshop" is really pushing it. I've lost track of how many times I was labeling games when the smell of weed rolls in. That's the smell of people wanting cash for their games.

Product Quality
This brings me to the quality of GameStop's used products. Those of you that have tried to buy a new game at GameStop probably had an employee try to sell you a used copy of the game instead. They usually pitch it saying that it's less than the new copy, and that you have one week return for a refund. There's 3 reasons this happens.

First off you know already that GameStop buys their games at nasal rape prices so they make more money on the used game. In fact whenever we scan a new game and the computer sees that we have a used copy in our inventory, it tells us to sell the customer the used game instead. Secondly employees are rated on how much used product they shill and it looks bad on their numbers for the employee to sell new games. If you honestly think the employee gives a flying shit if you save $2 on a game, you must be one of those people that believed in Santa when they were 14. Lastly the one week return policy saves GameStop money. This seems counter intuitive because you'd think all those people returning games just because they suck would cost GameStop a lot of money. That's not much of an issue because people willingly waste their money on crap all the time. If the average person had decent tastes in games 50 Cent Bullet Proof would have never made greatest hits.

The 7 day  return policy saves GameStop a boat load of money because they don't have to pay anybody to test the games they buy off people. See, there would be times where I'd walk into the store and there'd literally be a stack of 50+ games with no case for us to process. If the store was dead for the rest of the night, the 2 people working the shift would be able to create a case, label, and file each game by the end of the night if we were lucky. There's never any time to test games and instead of hiring a dedicated tester, GameStop makes you test the games. GameStop's policy is if the used game doesn't work, they allow you swap it for another copy. This sounds great in theory, but in practice it ultimately just wastes people's time. A customer once came in to buy a used copy of MLB Slugfest only to come back 30 minutes later to return it as defective... and then came back again to return that copy.... and then once more just to get a refund.

I've once had a lady come back 3 times in one day to return a defective PS2. It got to the point where she wouldn't leave the store until we tested the next system that we gave to her. Fortunately the fourth time was the charm. But during my very next fucking shift, I had a guy come back with a defective system, and the next three replacements I went to get were also defective. The system they were returning wouldn't read games, the first one I got from the back didn't even have a controller, next one had a bent video port, and the last one has a broken D pad. I had to mix and match parts from each system in order to have a working set. 

You're probably asking "Why don't we just check the games? It only takes a second to see if a game was used as sandpaper". Well, we do, but we only check if the game is in there and that it isn't broken in half or melted. The fact is if the game looks like it's been run over with steel wool, corporate tells us to take it in. Now why would GameStop intentionally take in damaged product? Say someone trades in a copy of Gears of War that looks like they tried to skii on cement with it. GameStop buys the game for $13.60 cash, then they sell it to some poor sap for $45.  That guy who came to buy a game instead tests the game for GameStop pro bono and brings it back as defective. GameStop sends the game to the warehouse where it gets resurfaced and then it's sent back to a store to be sold once again for over triple what they paid for it. It's strange that GameStop doesn't seem to be satisfied with having their way with your wallet, but they also like to use you as free labor in the guise of a money back guarantee. A while before I worked for GameStop, some stores used to have in house disc buffers to repair games. Unfortunately, this idea got dropped because games can be shipped and resurfaced in bulk at wherehouse. Now it probably doesn't even cost them a peso to repair a game and why have good   customer service when you can be more profitable? This is also probably why I never saw disc doctors sold at GameStop, because people repairing their games dig into profits made from buying defective product.

When it comes to systems they were a little more strict with what they take in. I'm guessing it's because it actually costs money to have these things repaired. We're officially supposed to test system before we take it in. Of course this doesn't always happen because if it did I wouldn't have gone through 4 defective systems in one transaction. If there was an official protocol on how to test systems, GameStop didn't spend any time telling us about it. Some people are thorough and put a game in there to make sure the drive and controller work.  Others just make sure the thing turns on, but most of the time I find people only care that it has all the cables before taking it in. Now if the system is defective, that doesn't mean GameStop won't take it. All they do is charge a fee, then take the system to the wherehouse to get refurbished. By "refurbished" I guess GameStop means the tinker with the system 'til it turns on because I've had those damn things come back defective, too.

I thoroughly expect GameStop to start running some bullshit ads with the standard politically correct cast of employees, and a deaf employee in wheel chair reading about gender equality thrown in for spice assuring consumers that their products are top notch. The problem is that is it any experienced GameStop employee has tales of some the shit that gets through the system. In a single night, one of the employees went through the portable systems to find that over 50 of them that had to be moved to defective; with defects ranging from dead pixels, to the screen was completely blank, to the system wouldn't turn on at all, to the screen was cut up like like it was emo. There have also been reports where GameStop has sold demo discs as full games. My favorite story has to be the time when some kid wanted to return their defective game and when we started looking through the drawers to see which ones were in good condition and the other guy working the counter started laughing. Apparently one of the cases had a Britney Rears: Wild BackStage Sex Party DVD behind the game. Man there must be some really pissed off 12 year out there.

You may say that my experiences are the exception because the used games you buy from GameStop are practically brand new. Well odds are, it's because they're stolen. GameStop is a pawn shop any way you slice it and like with any pawnshop they attract crime. A sizable chunk of the games we got traded in at my store came from guys needing their fix. Really, they would outright tell us. They'd usually come in once a week to bring in stacks of sealed games that they surely paid full price for and decided to trade in because they didn't like cover art. Whenever I went into other stores, I'd almost always hear how another store in our district had somebody come in for their 9mm discount. Come to think of it, the only reason any sane person would trade in their stuff at these prices is if they “acquired” them for free. It always makes me laugh when people say they don't like to shop via the internet because of cyber crime. I don't know about you, but I've personally never had to wait behind a cokehead when ordering stuff online. When buying stuff on the internet, just don't do anything stupid and you'll be fine. Also I have to say, there's something just wrong about people selling stolen merchandise while there's kids playing on the DS lite kiosk.

Your best bet for getting the most for your games is through direct trade. Some people who I tell to use  an E-bay or Craigslist style system complain that it's too much work for some reason. While it is slightly easier to leave your game at GameStop and walk out with enough to get a stick of bubble gum, you have to think of how much your losing for not putting in a pinch more work. Remember that copy of Grand Theft Auto IV that was going for $38 on Ebay? If the seller were to go to GameStop he'd get $30 store credit. For those of you complaining about getting $8 more for spending less time than it would take you to drive to GameStop; remember he's getting $38 in real money off Ebay, not GameStop's "Here's your money for the game you sold us, but you can only give it back to us" fake money. It's pointless to use GameStop as a middle man because in the end the seller gets $14 less and the buyer has to pay $17 more. By getting rid of the middle man entirely, everybody gets to go home with more money in their pockets.

Say you're the type of person buys a game, beats it and never plays it again. You say you like GameStop's system because just want some quick cash so you can get another game. With the amount of money you're losing by selling to GameStop, it's essentially paying $36 to rent a game for a few weeks when it would be cheaper to rent it 5 day at a time. It does not make any sense to do this unless you also get your jollies from throwing 20s of a bridge. If you're the type of person who just buys, beats and trades, you should look into GameFly. It's a service that allows you to rent games as long as you want for a flat subscription fee. You can play your games and get another one without paying full price and losing half of the value by selling to GameStop. GameStop may have the biggest share of the market, but you have better options.

Now why would GameStop still remain profitable if they do all these things to their customers? It's simply because people still line up to violated by these pawn shops. This isn't a new phenomenon. If history has taught me anything, it's that people will buy any crap if you market it properly to exploit consumer ignorance. There lies GameStop's Achilles heel. Once people know they don't have to settle for their worthless, overpriced products they won't be able to get away with buying games for less than $20 and selling it for $50. You know there's better out there, so there's no reason for you to shop at GameStop anymore.

That does it for this episode. Tune in next time to learn the ins and outs of those reservations and subscriptions employees won't stop pestering you about. Until then remember not to settle for less or companies like GameStop will continue to grow. They've shown they have no intention of stopping their campaign of monopolization, and continue to buy out companies all over the world. They're not just doing it with games stores anymore either. Just hope they don't start buying out any sex shops.

-Episode 2-

Zero Punctuation
For those of you who haven't noticed, this style of journalism is inspired by the Zero Punctuation reviews, created by Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw. I'm a huge fan of the internet show because in world of angry video game nerd rip offs who think they're funny just because they swear like a 3rd grader trying to impress their friends, Yahtzee gave us something new in the form a rapid fire, long word laced assaults on which ever game got in his sights. I've been a fan since the psychonauts review and it was while watching this video I got the inspiration to make this flash based attack on GameStop. By using Yahtzee's style I could remain anonymous while giving GameStop the giant boot in the ass they so richly deserve.

Of course I haven't been able to copy Yahtzee's style perfectly. I'm a software engineering major and I lack in the department of artistic ability. I have to compensate by using my good friends Google Image search, Ctrl, C, and V. My least favorite subject in school was English because it was a practice in trying to push our capacity for boredom. So I don't have Yahtzee's talent to use words rarely seen outside of the nether regions of a Webster's dictionary. I also don't have Yahtzee's trademark ability speak faster than sound can carry words. This may be a good thing because it means people can watch the videos without having to replay them 3 times just understand what the hell I just said. I also don't have a really cool hat, and I'm pretty much the most generic looking person on earth. It's amazing how many times I've been driving down the street when someone starts honk at me like I'm their long lost brother, only to have me stare back at them when it turns out I'm not actually one the of my many clones of me that have be apparently living through out Southern California. So to differentiate myself from the other traced over graphics I just gave myself some hair just so I wouldn't be so bald.

Others who have mimicked Yahtzee's style received threats of arson which seems unreasonable because imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Of course I'm not to worried about my house going up in flames because I live in Los Angeles and if Yahtzee tried anything he'd get shanked, shot, and pissed on before he even makes it my front lawn. Then I'll be able to steal his hat which we all know is the source of his powers. Anyway, enough about my creepy man crush, let's get back to the GameStop bashing.

But first I'm going to hit the fast forward button because I'm too lazy to rerecord the rest of this episode.

Game Informer
By shopping at GameStop you'll in eventually have an employee try to get sell you a subscription or try to get you to reserve a game. Informed consumers know this is because employees are rated on how many Reservations and Subscriptions they get. At the end of the my shift the manager would usually tell me what I got. He'd say something like "You got 5 and 3" which means 5 reservations and 3 subscriptions. Reservations are when you put money down on game for them to hold it for you, and subscriptions give you 1 year of the Edge Card and Game Informer. Of the two things employees are supposed to pitch, the subscriptions are probably the biggest waste of your money.

Mid last year, corporate sent out a training DVD on how to sell a subscriptions and a perfectly stiff paper we had to sign verifying that we watched the DVD. We did what every good GameStop store did, we tossed the DVD and just had everybody sign the paper because we know another one of corporate's half baked ideas when we see them. One day when the store was slow I popped in the DVD and we all had a good laugh at how drugged up the dimwits upstairs are.

The thing that got me the most about the tripe they sent us was how they told us to sell it as a magazine subscription with a free edge card. Those of us in the trenches know this doesn't work because Game Informer isn't good enough for my dog to shit on. Let's open up one of these to see what I mean. On the first page I see an advertisement for a SOCOM PSP game. Turning the page I see an ad for Need for Speed. Turning the page yet again I got another ad, and then another. I had to keep turning I until I got 10 pages in before I got to the table of contents. I did a page count and there were 83 fucking pages with ads on them. What weren't officially considered ads were previews or reviews that that might as well have been ads. Paying money for this is like buying a season of the shopping channel on DVD, it doesn't make sense to buy a collection of ads.

You might be willing to excuse the fact that 47% of the magazine is advertisements because magazines are dependent on ad space to pay the bills. What you can't excuse is that the ads are the most interesting thing in the magazine. Another claim the training video made about Game Informer was that it had "World exclusive coverage" and "Timely information". Going to Game Informer for the latest news is like going to McDonalds for world class cuisine. When you want your gaming news, you go to one of the many video game websites on the net because they'll break the news the moment they get it. Even when Game Informer managed to get the "exclusive" info on GTA4, the was leaked all over the net before subscribers even got their issues. Game Informer will occasionally get something of substance like an article last year on the licensed schlock the industry keeps churning out, but what's usually sandwiched between the barrage of ads and outdated previews can best be described as liquid rat shit.

What got a good laugh from the employees is the video's touting Game Informer's "Unbiased reviews”. Saying Game Informer is unbiased is like saying Bill Gates marriage was about his perfectly sculpted body. For example Lair, a game where you don't control the game you just make requests and hope it's in a good mood, managed to get a 7.25. The fact that the training video tells us that the magazine helps customers "avoid bad games" directly contradicts the fact that just about anything gets a good score. I'm guessing this has to do with fact that this garbage is stuffed like a turkey with ads and Game Informer wants to avoid biting down on the cocks they like to suck on. You'd think as journalists the crew at Game Informer would like to preserve their reviewer integrity, but considering GameStop owns the magazine it doesn't surprise me. After all, People buying shitty games means more money in their pockets.

I went to go investigate to see if there were any known cases of Game Informer being paid off and by that I mean I glanced over the wikipedia page. I indeed found the reason why every game kicks so much ass according to Game Informer. Turns out, Game Informer's scale has 10 to be excellent and 7 to be mediocre. I thought this was odd because other game reviewers typically have the mediocrity mark at 5. Then it hit me like a shinkuu hadouken. Even though they both saying the same thing, which sounds better? Lair getting a 5.5 from EGM or a 7.25 from Game Informer? Yeah and I bet the advertisers like that 7.25 more too. EGM later switched to a letter based rating system to do away with the ambiguity that number systems have. This is something Game Informer would never do. By scaling the rating system so bad games can get better numbers you can allow the writers to remain in denial that they're legitimate journalists and still please the advertisers. Even if you take the scaling into account it doesn't take a genius to figure out that Game Informer's writers know approximately dick about video games. Whenever the next issue came into the store, we would look through it and be amazed at Game Informer's uncanny ability to suck even more than the previous month.

A while ago EGM was supposed to get exclusive pictures of Street Fighter IV, and like with all exclusives it got leaked all over the internet. But I still got the issue because along with pictures, the article went into deep into the mechanics and design philosophy of the game. It's truly a shame that legitimate publications are losing audience to manufactured dross like Game Informer because GameStop is using it's deep pockets to jam their crap up people's urethras.

Probably the most shameless stretch the training video tries to pull is boasting how the 14.99 is "Best Deal Out there" and the customer gets over $50.00 "savings" because this bile is $6 an issue. It doesn't work that way GameStop. You can't say buying a pile a shit saves you $100 if you charge $20 per turd. Now you know corporate, if you're going to try to get people to throw away their money on subscriptions you pitch the Edge Card because Game Informer has the literary quality of a pissed on book of expired coupons.

Edge Card
If you do decide to throw away your money on a subscription, whatever value you'll get out of it is in the Edge Card. The Edge Card lasts for 1 year, gives you 10% off used games and gives you 10% more when you sell your games. How can GameStop afford to give you such lavish savings? Even with the “discounts”, the savvy shopper should see right through this "deal" because their profit margins are still bloody huge. You may try to justify the purchase of the Edge Card by saying you spend enough for the discount to add up. This is exactly what I thought when I got suckered into buying it back when I didn't know any better.

In order to just make up for the cost of the card you have to spend at least $150 in used games. Even if you do spend $200 dollars a year on used video games, you've only save $5. That's right, you have to pay $15 for a card and spend $200 in used games in order to “save” $5. Am I the only one who sees something seriously wrong with the math here? The other thing employees pitch is the trade in boost So instead of GameStop giving you $1 for your game, you get $1.10. Also realize when the employee is trying to sell you the card, they tend to forget to mention certain things of due to a case of convenient amnesia.

First off, tt's no good on cash trade ins so if you want to give your copy of Virtua Fighter 5 for some quick cash you're still only going to get $6.40. Employees also commonly forget to mention that it doesn't work on the buying and selling of used systems. I did get quite a few people who bought the card just so they could get a discount on a used 360 only to find out the card doesn't work and of course is non-refundable. It also gets highly irritating when a customer complains that they can't get more money for their red ringed 360. A while back, the magazine came with a 10% off coupon every couple months and employees used to use this to pitch subscriptions. For some reason Game Informer doesn't have these coupons any more. I guess GameStop thought the paper would be better spent elsewhere because the magazine didn't have enough ads.


What's a football to the groin is what happens if you lose the card or simply forget to bring it with you. When people lost their card there's was no national database the employees could access to give the discount. This is contrast to the grocery stores by my house which also have discount programs. If we forgot our cards we can just give them our phone number to get our discount. Another thing I thought was really fishy is how easy the Edge Card account number smears off of the card. There's been cases where the account is only 3 months old and it was already impossible to scan it or decipher the account number. I guess this is because GameStop figured out they can make more money by not giving people a discount they paid for.

There's two work arounds we did when a customer lost their card. You can get the account number off any receipt where you used the card, but that's usually not an option because most people tend to throw away their receipts after a few days. Secondly, people can bring in the magazine that comes with the subscription and the employee should be able to give you the discount because the account number is on the address bar but for some reason when ever we typed in the number it never worked at the register. A lot of the time we would just scan one of the employee's edge card when people forgot their card at home, but district manager cracked downed on this and told us we could get fired if we gave people their discounts. You'd figure the training video about subscriptions would cover what to do in these situations, but again it didn't seem to be too eager cover how to give people their discounts as it was covering how to jam subscriptions into the nearest available orifice.

Those of you that are still trying to justify your purchase are probably saying you spend the money any way, why not save a couple dollars and get 12 pieces of ineffective kindling? Saving a dollar is better than saving nothing, right? The fact is I could save more money without the Edge Card than you can with it. Let me tell you about some interesting finds I had shopping around while working at GameStop.

Say if you wanted to get a copy of  Disgaea 2 for the PS2. You go to GameStop and their price for a used copy was $34.99, and using the Edge Card you get $3.50 off.  I could go to GameCrazy and get the game for $20 new. That's right, I payed less for my shiny sealed copy than you paid for a gamestop used copy. This means I've spent $20 and saved $15 of what I would have paid for a used copy of Disgaea 2 and you've spent $31.49 and saved $3.50 minus the cost of the card so you're still $11.50 in the hole.

Now let's say you wanted a copy of the Orange Box for the PC. GameStop doesn't sell used PC games because of the whole issue of CD keys, so your card is about as useful as hugh hefner without his blue pills. I went to Best Buy a picked it up for $25. So far my total is $40 dollars saved, and you've still $11.50 in the hole from the cost of the card. I'm going to go off on a tangent for a bit and talk about PC games and GameStop. It's always irritated me is that most GameStops don't even carry PC games. The only time I saw GameStop carry a sizable amount was for the Burning Crusade launch. Whenever I pass by a GameStop I'd drop by to see if they had anything my store didn't have. I did this quite a bit considering I couldn't trip over a rock without landing into a GameStop. Of all the stores within reasonable driving distance, only 2 actually had any sizable PC section. You could be one of those people that say it's because PC gaming has all but one limb in the grave, but when I left the company they were still selling game boy brick games used. I have to say, there's something seriously wrong with a company only wants to sell you product if they can buy it from you and sell it over and over again. 

Now let's say you want to get Pokemon Leaf Green "to give as a gift". GameStop had the game at $29.99 which is freakishly high because almost all used GBA games don't come with case and booklet. Here the Edge Card would take $3 off. Going to Target, I can get a Player's Choice version sealed for $19.99. Yep, GameStop expects you to pay $10 more for a used game that doesn't even come with case and booklet. Now the totals are I saved a lot of money, and you still have to spend another $85 in used games to make up for the cost of subscription. Why waste $15 to spend more on inferior products when you can save up to 50% for free by shopping elsewhere? Doing the math you'll see the only thing a subscription does give is more readers to their shitty magazine so they can charge more for the ads and give you the illusion that you're saving so you'll only go to GameStop and miss out on better deals other places have.

Reserves
Then there's the other thing employees are rated on, reserves. GameStop loves reserves because even though you're ultimately spending the same amount of money, it's a lot easier to get people to spend $5 on impulse than it is $60. Then there's the fact that you're giving them money for essentially nothing. Oh sure, they'll give your game to you eventually, but until then its an interest free loan that they can use for what ever they want. Even in a small store, employees were expected to get 2 reserves each by the end of the night. Considering there's well over 5000 GameStop owned stores out there with a minimum 4 employees working a day, GameStop is making approximately an assload on just reserves. Also by badgering you to commit spending $60 before the game comes out, it means GameStop has your money before anyone else can get to it. Even if you decide cancel, you still have to go back to the store once more so the employee can pester you not to change your mind.

Since people usually throw away their receipts after a few days, most employees will say you need a receipt in order to refund your reservation to prevent you from canceling. That excuse is a load of green shit and ham because you can use your ID. The easiest way to prove this is to say you want to cancel a reserve and put the money toward 2 new reserves. Watch how lenient the employees will get. See when you cancel a reserve, it's a minus 1 on their reserve count meaning if they get 2 reserves and 3 cancellations they're at -1 for the day. This system was particularly annoying when some else gets a reserve and then the customer changes their mind only to have them cancel on me. If you call the employee on their lie and they still won't refund your reservation, just threaten to call the district manager. It's much better to have a negative reserve count than it is to DM plant their foot (or worse) in your ass. If they say they don't have the number, that's a lie because it's in a big book which every store uses every day. If they still deny having it, just go to the nearest store and ask for it there. Stores compete with each other and they like having the DM yell at another store because all the managers are after the DM's cock.

Another reason GameStop pushes reserves is because people forget about their reservations which end up being pure profit in GameStop's pockets. $5 really is easy to spend on a whim and considering I've seen people reserve games 2 years in advance it's not impossible to forget. I once had a lady call almost all the stores in our district trying to find where she reserved her son's copy of Guitar Hero III. Another day I was going through the reserve list to find that dozens of people haven't still haven't picked up copies of Halo 3 2 months after the game was released. This is by no means a rare occurrence because as I continued looking down the list, there were still reserves for Major League BaseBall 2005 that weren't picked up.

Don't expect employees to remind you about your forgotten reservations. It was an unofficial rule that if somebody came in to pick up a reservation and if you saw that they had other games they haven't picked up yet, you don't say anything about it. The reason is most of the time people change their mind about the game and then decide to cancel. Another trick that I've seen employees use to pad their numbers is when a customer comes in to reserve a game and see that they already have it reserved, they'll let them reserve the again without telling them. Apparently all the free money GameStop was getting wasn't enough though because the company did an experiment to see if people would pay $10 for a reserve. Those of you reserved Metroid Prime 3 for the Wii probably remember this. My guess is that this led to a dip in reserves.

One of the few non-seedy reasons GameStop uses reserves for is to determine how many games to be sent to which store. What's weird is that I started to notice that the initial shipment of games we would get on release date started getting smaller and smaller even as we were getting busier. It made sense to me because reserved games are still new product and GameStop always tries to minimize the amount of new product they sell. I thought I was just seeing things for while, but other employees started noticing this intentional shortage on GameStop's part, too. We didn't really care at the time because then we could just say "should've reserved" like the smug bastards we were. You'd figure holding back product would hurt business, but considering Tuesday is when most games come out and it's one of the slowest days, it can't be hurting business because we would then get a much larger shipment by the busy weekend. Sadly this is not the most underhanded method GameStop uses to get people to reserve.

Something that really caught my eye one day when I was looking the reserve list was that somebody put $5 down on Catz. Yeah, somebody actually could not stand the thought of not having Catz on release day. Actually, it was probably some poor mother who was ignorant of video games and was told if she doesn't reserve the game, all the copies would be swept up and her son would get herpes or something. This is a common lie GameStop employees use to get you to reserve. While it's true that if you don't reserve at GameStop there's a decent chance you won't get the game there on release date, all other places that sell video games will have more than enough of them. Even then, especially if it's a hot title like Madden, GameStop get stacks of them no matter how many get reserved. Hell when I left GameStop they still had Maddens from the original shipment.

Along with gaming challenged mothers, “those kids” are a GameStop's employee's favorite targets. You know, those spoiled 8 year old kids you see walking around with a silver PSP, the newest Ipod, and a $500 cell phone? The ones that are given anything they want due to the fact that their divorced parents are fighting for their affection? I bet you hate the little brats, but GameStop employees love these kids. Kids with money are easy numbers because children have no of the concept of the purpose of advertisement or seedy salesmen. Ever notice when ever a kid's movie comes out, McDonald's plasters fucking everything with it? Think about it, what the hell do ogres and bees have to do with greasy burgers? Nothing, but companies know kids love cartoons and when the parents ask where they want to eat they're going to eat at the most Disneyed place.

Likewise, GameStop employees take advantage of how impressionable kids are to squeeze out some numbers. If you think nobody can so shameless as to sucker a child out of their birthday money I can tell you you're dead wrong. After riding the bus to work one day, I stepped off and saw some 8 year old walk by me reading a copy of Game Informer. When I walked into the store the MOD was laughing how he got a subscription, reserve and used sale out of the poor kid. There's no rules against pressuring kids into resos and subs, other than the fact that the parent could potentially come in 5 minutes later to yell at us for steamrolling their kid. In fact the only reason GameStop doesn't buy games from minors any more is because some lady sued the company after she found out her kid was told to throw away his games. So to all you parents out there that made the mistake of buying a GameStop gift card for  your child, you should probably consider refunding it. Otherwise they're going to come out with a magazine, 3 reservations, and no games to play.

Those of you that reserve your games all the time are probably saying it's unfair to bash GameStop for allowing people to reserve their games. You say games usually have a standard price no matter where you go, why not just put the money down on the game so you'll have your copy waiting there? I have no problem with reserves themselves, and in some cases it's practically mandatory. I'd also say important to reserve games made by publishers that use reservations to decide how many games going to get made. Even though just about anywhere you go Grand Theft Auto 4 will be $60 on release day, but not all reserves are built equal. Some places give giftcards or coupons for free rentals with preorders. When Steam had the Orange Box available for reserve, it would give you a $5 discount when you preordered. GameStop isn't the only place that does reserves and a lot of places do more than just hold your game. Why should you settle for less?

So you say you don't care about bonuses and just like the convenience of not having to jump from store to store You also like reserving collectors editions. True, I used to reserve my games at EB all the time before they got violated to hell and back by GameStop. However, at GameStop your game isn't all that guaranteed to be there. Something employees never mention is that GameStop doesn't hold the games forever. Well, they can't keep that copy of Catz in stock for the rest of eternity. But at least GameStop holds the games for month, right? Nope. 2 Weeks? Guess again. 7 days? Nah, try 2 days. Look at the bottom of your reservation receipt in really, really tiny ass writing. It says that GameStop will only hold your game for 48 hours. And that's if they bother holding it at all. It's been leaked that GameStop has instructed it's employees to not bother holding games during the GTA IV launch, and I can tell that I personally saw it happen during the Halo 3 launch. Some stores have tried to hold the games longer for customers because nobody likes telling a pissed off customer that someone sold their Rock Band set, but if the district manager hears that you put the customer's needs ahead of the company's he'll come down on you like a ton of bricks.

Money Traps
Don't be fooled, GameStop's reserves and subscriptions are not for the benefit of the customer. They're designed to keep you returning to the store either by making you commit to spending more money or by making you think you're saving money. It's all just a way to keep your money in the store, and out of the hands of their competitors. If you think I have my tin foil hat on too tight, I'm just repeating what the District Manager said, that we should be pushing reservations and subscriptions “so we become the only place they shop at”. Even when GameStop has sales, it's always some bullshit like "Get 10% more on your trades when you buy a $400 used system". The deals on new games are typically like Black Friday 2007 when they sold Shadow the Hedgehog new for $10.

If you shop around you'll get more than you would by putting up with GameStop. GameCrazy holds their reservations for a much more reasonable 7 days and match trade ins even though they typically beat GameStop. Play 'n' trade does price matching which usually isn't needed and does system repairs. When I last visited Best Buy, they didn't make you pay full price for product they opened. Circuit City has a discount card, but unlike GameStop it actually works on new games. You'll also want to take a look at non-electronic stores because they tend to move their games to clearance a lot faster. You'd probably never think about getting games at Sears, but they had Dance Dance Revolution Mario mix for $10 when my store had the game used for $40 with no case and booklet. You'll definitely want to check out mom and pop places because there was a place nearby that “adjusted” my PS2 to play imported games. A lot of stores are really putting in a lot of effort into undercutting GameStop and there's so many deals you'll miss out on by not shopping around. You may say shopping around isn't worth the effort, but saving $25 or $30 dollars nothing to huff at. $25 is enough to fill up my car.... well at least it used to be. Tune in the for the final supersized episode, to see what working at GameStop is really like. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go limey proof my house.

-Episode 3-

My Story
Having now berated 4 parts of the GameStop business model, my plagiaristic rant wouldn't be complete without the missing 5th part of the GameStop model which constitutes treating your employees like reusable toilet paper. Now my story goes, I once got a job at a Best Buy working at the computer department and it was a pretty good place to work. Sure, the work was hard, the customers  could be bitchy at times, but they pay was good and the discount kicked ass. This wasn't to last because one of the higher ups gave out hours like they were skittles, ended up over spending on labor and the store had to lay people off. I wasn't exactly top tier when it came to sales and Best Buy ended giving me the boot.

Due to the fact that I've gotten attached to having money, I decided to apply to the EB games that I always used to shop at. Like many of the people that apply there, I eagerly pursued a job at the retailer because I've loved video games as far back as I could remember and I figured it would be great working in a place that sells video games. I managed to snare the job fairly easily due to my previous experience in retail. Little did I know that I got a job that payed worse than working as a transvestite prostitute and had me jam worthless and overpriced merchandise down people's throats. A lot of people for some reason think that GameStop is somehow a dream job, judging by the fact that there was always an enormous stack applications that just end up getting thrown in the trash. It's about time these people learned that working at GameStop is like getting the world's longest prostate exam from Shaquile O'Niel.

Starting out at GameStop
When you start out at GameStop one of the first you'll things most likely be doing is organizing the all the games on the walls. This aspect of the job is almost like being Sisyphus. I say almost because even with the cruel fate Sisyphus was stuck with, he still wouldn't trade places with a GameStop employee. Even small GameStop stores have loads and loads of games and having to spend roughly 6 eternities alphabetizing them only to have it all go to shit the moment you turn around is probably one of the most mind numbing experiences you'll ever have. Lots of retail stores have you do tedious organizing but it's not just the sheer volume of games you have to alphabetize that'll make you want to jump into a giant blender. Customers have the irritating habit of grabbing a bunch of games that they have no intention of buying and dumping in the middle of the section your working on when they leave. You can expect to be alphabetizing the used PS2 section, when you come up on a game that you can't seem to find. You'll search the entire section, then the rest of the damn store only to find it was placed in the Wii section by a careless customer. It doesn't help that GameStop sticks games sold to them without a case in a generically labeled box instead of taking a few pennies to print out some decent box art. This means you'll be looking for a game in a pile of cases that looks exactly the same except for the tiny text on the price label and the name illegibly scribbled name on the cover.

On top of that, most of your coworkers don't give a royal shit about keeping everything organized and just cram the games where ever. The people working the counter will have to put some games out and you best believe it will be one of the games that belong at the top causing you to have to shift every game down to make space for it one-by-brother-fucking-one. Then there's the fact that customers act like you're invisible while you're working. There will be times when you're in the middle of alphabetizing a certain section when a customer will start picking at it instead of, you know, asking us to get the game for them because we know where everything goes and don't want our work to get messed up.

Some customers are considerate enough not to interfere with your work, but that moment you look away, what they typically do is instantly mathematically calculate the best place to jam cases that'll send all your work straight to hell. The ultimate futility in trying to keep everything organized the moment you finally put every case where it's place, a customer will come up to you and ask where the 360 games are at. You'll point over there; at that giant wall; that's in plain site with Xbox display boxes, tons of 360 games, and a giant sign that says "Xbox 360" that could only get your attention more if Bill Gates had his booth set up there. Then you'll turn around to find that the wall you've finished has yet again been recently hit by a stampede of sexually frustrated bulls.

The other place you're likely to start is at the counter processing the games sold to GameStop. This involves putting on labels, "gutting", and filing the games. On a good day this'll be a relatively painless process, but there's always some wrench that gets thrown into the system. There will be days when people will literally bring in duffel bags full of games they certainly didn't steal. Once the person at the register is done processing the mountain of games, the label printer will start printing all the price and ID labels you need. If your fortunate, it'll finish sometime within the next century. If you're in this situation consider yourself lucky because it gets even worse when you show up to your shift  and you're the one expected to clean up the mess that's been festering all damn day. You'll start out on your quest to tame the beast of scratched up games, when you'll grab a stack of games with no corresponding tags, causing you to have to sift through the pile to see where they put all the labels. Once you find where they put all the stickers, you'll start looking through the strings of labels each of which are roughly the circumference of mars. You'll navigate through the web of stickers only to have the guy at the register tell you that the stack you're holding are actually returns and you'll have to make stickers for them later.

You'll grab the nearest string of labels and it'll turn out that the corresponding pile had to be a stack of games with no case. You'll have to find a blank case and a generic insert which is another adventure in itself because the supply drawers as fucked up as cubscout after a trip to neverland. You'll go to the printer to print the generic cover, but you don't get to tell the printer to print. You sweet talk it and hope it's in a good mood and maybe, just maybe, it'll get around to printing within the next hour. Once you place the labels on the case, you'll find you'll have to put the game away in drawer in alphabetical order. That may sound simple, but GameStop has the annoying tendency to hire people that are alphabetically challenged. It'd be one thing if you found an occasional Onimusha in the middle of the k section, but the drawers seem to have a mind of their own and refuse to obey the English alphabet. If you complain that the drawers are a complete clusterfuck, guess who's going to have to clean them up? This process is further aggravated by the fact games are mislabeled, in the wrong sleeve and completely the wrong section. Just when you finally manage to finish filing all those games, there absolutely has to be an additional Mount Everest of games just got traded in. By the time you have everything in the store absolutely immaculate, corporate just took another bong hit and they'll send down an order saying they want everything done differently. Meaning you'll have to redo every mother fucking game in the store.

Before you start, I know full well it isn’t unreasonable for a retailer to try to keep their stores looking nice. My problem is, all this effort GameStop employees go through is about as pointless as trying lick clean used tampon. The stores always have that distinctive GameStop smell of a thousand sweaty nerds. There’s always trash on the floor and I’ve personally seen partially chewed food left on the selves by dipshits incapable of using the trashcans. These items are usually are the cause of mosaic of stains you see on the carpet, along with known cases of children relieving themselves in the middle of the store. The games on the shelves have cracked cases,  and have kool-aid stains or worse. I've seen collectors’ editions left out open on the floor and GameStop expects us to sell them at full price with booklet missing and the case falling apart. The bathrooms had the type of stench you could feel on your skin. That’s especially gross considering smaller stores keep their systems in the bathroom. There are no janitors hired at GameStop, and there's no way we're going keep it clean for the shit pay.

When you make through your first shift you'll have to do a pocket check. Before I tell you what a pocket check is, let me emphasize what I'm about to say is absolutely not exaggerated in any way. A pocket check is what you do at the end of your shift where you pull your side pockets out, you pull out your back pockets, hitch up you pant legs to show your socks, and do 360 degree turn while somebody looks to make sure you haven't stolen anything. If you have a jacket or bag with you, they look through them to make sure you don't anything there either. After they're done inspecting you, they sign in the record book that you're clear and they make you sign confirming that you were inspected. You have to do this dance of humiliation after every single mother-fucking shift.

After you're finished your day of fruitless organizing and being treated like a criminal just short of getting a cavity search, you'll probably want to pick up your schedule for next week. When you start out, you can expect 3 hours a week, maybe 4 if you're lucky. GameStop pays minimum wage; so this means your first paycheck can close to $30.00 for two weeks work. People for some reason think GameStop employees must have tons of games. The problem is, in order to acquire video games you need money and that's something GameStop just doesn't give you.

Still, GameStop isn't happy with giving you practically no pay. No, they also have to curbstomp you while you're down by not paying you with an actual check. What they do instead is give you a ComData card. A Comdata card is like a debit card tied to a bank account that GameStop signs you up for when you're hired. Instead of paying you directly, GameStop deposits your money into the Comdata account and then you have to get money through ComData. Unlike a real debit card, the ComData card doesn't seem to work anywhere I want to use it. When to use your money, of course you don't get to keep all of it. Using the card you'll have to put fees, and Comdata seems to find whatever opportunity they can to jam them up your ass. If you want to get actual cash you have to go to an ATM but the machines around here can charge an additional $2 per transaction and you'll only be getting $20 of the money you earned.

You can sidestep ComData by signing up for direct deposit, but GameStop throws a fucking fit when you try. The first time I tried signing up I was told to wait 2 to 4 weeks for it to go through. Then 3 months later I tried signing up once more and yet again no more luck. The 3rd time was the charm and I was finally was able to get my money without having to pay for it. I did the math and spent the remaining balance in the account so I would be done with this fucking card. But after I quit, I checked my bank account to find GameStop had to give me one last lash by giving me my last payday on this stupid card. I'm not sure if GameStop decided to use this system because Comdata gives good head or because they get off on employees jumping through fiery hoops. I do know ComData is making bank of with 5000 stores worth of employees having to go through this shit. There's always employees complaining how they still have money they can't get off their account but I'm sure ComData is happy to hold on to their money for them. What I'm not sure of is how legal this system is. Really, making employees have to pay money in order to pick up cash they worked for from an account they never wanted? So if you're a lawyer watching right now, remember that GameStop is worth billions and not to let opportunities pass you by.

It all about the numbers
After spending some time on the wall and at the counter, they'll get you started working on the register. The register is pretty much the make or break part of your job because this is where you get your numbers. Your numbers determine how many hours you get, so you'll have to make sure you harass the customers if you want to get more than 3 hours a week. Numbers are based off percentages, which is why you might have noticed how GameStop employees like doing everything in one transaction. You're expected to 1 subscription for every 10 transactions, and approximately 1 reservation for every 6 ½ transactions. Meet your goals and you'll get scheduled more often as it only makes sense to put a top salesman forward. Don't expect any commission though, because you'll get paid minimum wage whether you get 3 reservations or 30 reservations. The only reward for working hard at GameStop is more work.

When they teach you to use the registers they always teach you how to take to reservations, subscriptions, and trade ins first. Your numbers add towards to store's total and since the store manager is responsible for the store's performance, they want to have you adding to their percentages ASAP. They didn't teach me how to do refunds or reserve cancellations until weeks after I first started using the register. You'd figure GameStop would cover all that in the first day's training, but that's the thing, GameStop gives no real training time. GameStop uses the "throw you in the water" philosophy and just starts you out having you learn as you go. GameStop's problem with properly training its employees is that it digs into profits. They can get away with skimping on the training because if you don't learn fast enough or don't get good numbers, for every available position there's 80 fuckwits to waiting to replace you because they want a job where they can play Madden and Smash Bros all day. GameStop figures if you go through enough retards you'll eventually find someone who doesn't have the IQ and work ethic of a enema bag and then they can overwork that poor bastard.

I found that managers tend to be creative when telling you what the policies are. They tend make up rules the help the numbers, like not being able to cancel a reservation without a receipt or not being able to give back the games that got trades in. Nobody cares what you do just as long as it produces numbers and it doesn't get them in trouble with the DM. If you've ever had your brother steal your games to get cash at GameStop, the register has a way to get them back. If whoever's working says no, it's because trade ins help their numbers and it determines how many hours the store gets. Just demand the DM's number and suddenly they'll be more helpful. If you want to cancel all you’re GameStop reserves, ask for them to print out a reserve list of games under your phone number so they can't lie about what you have on reserve. When you want them to stop pestering you into reserving, just say you have it reserved at another store because they have no way of verifying it. Lastly easiest way to fend off subscriptions is to say you left the card at home. There's no national database they can check and if they can’t get a +1 on their numbers they don’t care. 

One of the most frequently voiced complaints I hear about GameStop is that their employees know as much about video games as an Amish infant with Down Syndrome. When you're working at GameStop, you're not paid to be a gaming encyclopedia, you're paid to sell. There's not much difference from a GameStop employee and a used car salesman, except maybe used car salesman probably makes a decent living. Used car salesmen know nothing about the cars they're selling. Their job is to sound like they do know what they're talking about to get you to spend. GameStop is also about having to knowing how to effectively bullshit the customer to prop up your numbers. I've seen employees that don't know what Xbox Live is and managers that flat out lie to customers, but they get numbers because they know what to say. You can tell where GameStop's priorities are when a peppy, well endowed girl walks into the store wanting a job application, because you can practically see the manager's eyes light up. Not just because they now have some eye candy around the store, but because they know these girls can easily squeeze numbers out of all the geeks that do anything for female attention.

GameStop doesn't put any effort into making sure it's employees know about video games either. You know that section at the GameStop that has the 360 titles? Microsoft paid GameStop to use that space. Sony paid for it's Playstation sections and Nintendo pays to use the Wii and DS sections. These companies also own their respective kiosks you see and the big 3 have representatives that look after the kiosks and occasionally sabotage each other's sections. The reps also have the duty to keep employees informed about present and upcoming products. Some of them have presentations where they not only do they train you, but they also give out swag like posters, games and in some cases entire systems. I've been there when the reps asked if it was possible to have a presentation, but they always get told no. Having presentations means giving out hours and that's something GameStop just doesn't do. Another thing the reps do is maintain an official guide folder about the company's products. It has tons of information and should cover just about anything a customer could ask. I never found out  about this book until months after I started and this is probably news to many employees watching right now. Never has a manager gone over it with us or updated us when there was a change made to it. It's not your job as a GameStop employee to give the right product information; it's to say what you need to in order to make the sale.

The pressure to get numbers at GameStop comes at you from every side. Secret shoppers get sent out to verify that you properly hound the customers. When you call GameStop to find out when the store closes and employee try to pitch you over the phone, it's because the DM will have people call us and he’ll come after us if we don’t sell over the phone. Something else I thought was ass backwards is how selling new product hurts your numbers. It’s happens where people ask if we have a game and the employee will lie about it to pad their used percentage. Because of GameStop’s numeric fetish causing them to put sales over game knowledge, there's no dedicated techs around meaning there’s typically nobody qualified to check if merchandise is functioning properly. Don’t worry, because GameStop just has you do it instead.

Customers
Being a retail job, there are the customers you have to deal with. You’ll find that a large portion of  GameStop customers act like they came straight off the short yellow bus. Now, difficult customers are part of any retail job, but everybody at my store had experience at other places and they all agree that GameStop customers are legendarily bitchy and retarded. First there's the customers that can't pass 5th grade math and start arguing with you because they have to pay $59.94 on a game they reserved. There's the people who act like they have a fatal allergy to inconvenience. A customer will come up to you with a case for a game, you'll look in the drawers and find that employee “misplaced it”. You go apologize saying the game has been lost then they start shrieking false advertisement. The demented rants of “false advertisement” get exponentially irritating when people bitch that we have Wii display boxes like it's our fault that they started looking for it weeks into the holiday rush. Other times you'll be frantically looking for a customer's game through a drawer that looks like it's been hit by a hurricane. when they'll storm out store making snide comments because you took longer than the 3 seconds they're willing to wait. Then there's always some dumb prick that starts yelling from the back of the store saying the line was too long on the second day before Christmas.

GameStop seems to attract a lot of people who most of their time in some sort of parallel universe where Paris Hilton is a physics professor. They'll argue with you because you told them nobody made Halo for the PS2 saying they just played it on the PS2 before they came to the store. Then there's the teenagers you'll have to put up with who will mooch off the Guitar Hero display hour after fucking hour. Fortunately we were a smart store, and like any smart store we know just to turn off the kiosks and say they're broken. The only time we kept the systems on is when we knew the DM was coming. Then there are the geeks... Oh God the geeks. They dedicate whatever time they spend outside of their parents' basement to show us much they think they know about video games. I actually saw one go up to the girl working the register already trying to stifle his laughter and ask if a game had giant enemy crabs and real time weapon changing. The neckbeard was politely reminded that it was no longer 2006 and his companion actually said “Poned”. Among people who don't know where the Internet ends and real life begins there are the "GameStop Roadies"; A particular breed of geek whose only form of social contact come from GameStop employees. They hang around the store looking for the next chance to annoy you and think it's perfectly OK to start talking to us when we're with another customer. No, we don't hear how many gamerpoints you have, No, we don't care about what level your WoW character is at, and we definitely don't want to hear who you say will win the console wars.

The worst customers of them all easily have to be the parents, who constantly remind us how minimal the requirements are to breed. It amazes me how much parents today simply can not be bothered to look after their kids. Whenever a 7 year old GTA fan came up to me with an M rated game, I told him his parents have to buy it for him. The little guy blazes out the store to minimize the time it will take for him to start killing hookers, then his mom steps into the store for a millisecond saying it's ok for him to buy whatever. I chase after her and reminder her that a 7 year old can't buy M rated games. She'll then have nerve to glare a hole through me just because I forced her to take 2 minutes out of her precious shopping time to do some basic parenting. Oh and you better believe you're going to have to be a babysitter these irresponsible parents. There are people out there that think just because it's video game store, they can use GameStop as a playground and you''ll look after their kids for free. At least the children of these neglectful wastes of oxygen tend to be well behaved, which leads me believe that stupid skips a generation. On one occasion a 7 year old was walking aimlessly through the store when he was asked where his mom was. He said she was shopping in another store in the mall, so one of the GAs went over there because if anything happens to the kid while he's under our watch, we'll get in deep shit. When the GA got there, she's nowhere to be found. 4 hours later, the cow waltzes back into the store and the MOD starts going off on her to make sure never pulls this bullshit again. The neglectful bovine actually says it's not her fault if something happens to him and it's our job to look after him. The employee at the register starts looking for the number for social services, and only then does the bitch change her tune. 

The shit flavored cherry on top is that the customer is always right even when they're being a total cockbag. At any retail store you're going to have to be nice to customers when they're being illogical twats but the goal is usually try to explain the situation calmly and to hold your ground. At GameStop, if a customer throws a big enough tantrum they'll get what ever they want. Some piece of inbred trash with alcohol on his breath went into the store grumbling how he got ripped off because he didn't get a free game from a sale that nobody told him about and indeed never existed. We repeatedly tried to explain it to him but 20 minutes later the asshole still wouldn't stop, so we just took the hit to our inventory and gave him the damn game to get him to leave. Why didn't we kick this worthless douchebag out of the store? Corporate orders employees to give in to their demands. The fact is customers make stupid demands all the time and we'll then have to set them straight. But if they complain long enough and make enough bullshit claims, corporate will reward their childish behavior. The store manager might refuse, but customers can just get what they want from the DM because store managers have no real power. The regional managers order the district managers to do whatever it takes to appease the customer and they do this because they never have real contact with customers. The reasoning behind caving into customers is the conventional wisdom in retail that if a customer has a bad experience, they'll tell their friends, and those people will tell all their friends causing a ripple effect that'll kill business. But companies that aren't run by THC dispensers know that if a customer is a rectal douche when they're shopping, they're a douche everywhere else and people never to listen to them. At least you get to have some fun bashing the retards when they leave the store, and a lot of the time the customers like to join in on the festivities.

This next paragraph is dedicated to those shitheads that think saying ”you just lost our business” or “we're never shopping here again” after whining like the brat you are means anything. We. Do. Not. Care. It's not intimidating, it's just fucking annoying. If you don't at GameStop, we get paid shit. If you buy everything in the damn store, we still get paid shit. We do not come up with the policies, even we think they're bullshit and we hate enforcing them. We're not the ones that sets the trade ins, and we don't decide the sale prices. We hate having to pressure people for numbers. And unless you were a nice customer who reserves frequently and subscribes, you won't missed. If you bitch to the DM when we can prove we were in the right, we will not get in trouble. You never shopping at the store again just means once less fuckwit to have to put up with.

-Intermission-

It gets worse
Yes, GameStop still has the ability to make working there even worse with the monthly visitor known as GameStop TV. This bile played on the store TV and can best be described as Game Informer Live, seeing as it's crammed with ads and is made by people who know dick about games. With this show GameStop miraculously manages to 1up themselves when it comes to making shitty products. First they bring in the hosts, which usually consists some idiot with super saiyan levels of gel in his hair and some spray tanned blond bimbo with her botched boobjob hanging out and an occasional non Aryan thrown into the mix. The casting director for these videos always makes sure the hosts have the combined IQ and charisma of a used roll of toilet paper. After the communications majors finish their opening yammering, trailer for the next sponge bob game is shown. Having allocated 4 minutes of video game related material, they then cram the rest of the show with as many ads and music videos as can fit on a DVD. The DVD then gets mailed to the stores and gets played on an endless loop in a way scientifically designed to drive employees to a murderous rampage.

It got particularly twitch inducing when somebody decided that stick with you, I’m sorry, “sticwitu” by the pussycat dolls was a good video to play at GameStop. For those of you who don't remember the pussycat dolls, they were an all girl “music” group consisting of pretend strippers. They spawned the track “Don Cha” which made lots of money as an anthem to conceited college girls everywhere. Their financial success gave them the illusion that they actually had any sort of musical talent and caused them to follow up with this manufactured ear molestation. At least the TV was never on unless we knew the DM was coming because nobody ever pays attention to the damn thing. Whenever I walked into another store that actually played it, it's always on some 8 inch TV in the corner where nobody could see or hear it. We usually just put in whatever trailer we found in the net and had it play silently on an endless loop. The store would only put in the regular DVD when the DM came over, until we found out he never pays attention to it. There are people who actually pay money to have ads on GameStop TV. Maybe the rats at dump might enjoy them. Nobody pays attention to all the marketing that's put in the store either. When the slim PSP came out, there was a huge mother fucking sign put over the register in plain sight that detailed the different packages and all the features. You couldn't buy anything in the store without it being inches from your face. Still, whenever I talked about the new PSP, they say they never heard of it. A lot of time is spent putting up the ads, and a lot of money has to have been spent to purchase the space, but the effort would be better spent making water not be wet. Not to long ago, the Nielsen Media Research Group did a study that GameStop TV actually helps sales and provided some sketchy stats to back it up. I'm sure GameStop appreciated the study which was likely instrumental in scoring a deal with CBS. It's actually kind of sad knowing that CBS is spending so much money on thousands blank screens.

Even with everything that happens, you will still find GameStop employees that like their job. That's because they're new. For the first couple shifts, there isn't much pressure to get numbers. They tend to work with enthusiasm because they're happy to have a job, and honestly believe what they're selling are good deals. Then you can slowly see how having to jump after numbers like a trained seal, and resisting the urge to dragon punch customers starts to get to them. People that once were so cheery and energetic start to incrementally come in more angry and depressed with each passing week. I like to call it the GameStop Effect.

GameStop keeps on piling on the bullshit by not giving you any breaks, which by the way is illegal in the state of California. GameStop will say they comply with the state's labor laws but in my 13 months working there, I could have counted all my breaks one hand. The managers were ordered to tell everybody to take their breaks at a store meeting, but of course still nobody got any breaks because that was just corporate's attempt to try to absolve GameStop of any legal liability. Another sadistic fetish GameStop has is to find new ways to cut the hours. The most shameless cut was after the Game Days sales GameStop had in the summer of last year. This sale was one of those rare opportunities where GameStop is kind enough to give you discounts on new products like UMD movies, Sonic Heroes and King of Fighters 2006. Somehow, the sale failed to bring in new customers. According to an insider, and by insider I mean some random GameStop employee I talked to on the Internet, the stock holders panicked and GameStop cheaped out on labor to cut costs. To placate the employees, they told everybody it was a glitch in Khronos, the labor scheduling software which happened to be programmed by monkey fetus who just took up VB6. The employees bought it, because it's totally plausible that a piece of software that decides to have a GA open the store on their first day would make such a grave error.

If you manage to live through a year, you'll have a review and be eligible for a raise. All your shuffling through piles of games until you turn dizzy, all your refusal to understand the word “no”, all your tolerating of brain damaged meat heads will finally be rewarded with a grand 21 cent raise. And that's for people who were eligible for a promotion. The highest raise I've ever heard of was 25 cents and to this day many employees consider it an urban legend. If you consistently surpass your goals and are so shameless you'd try to get a deaf/blind grandma on a fixed income to subscribe, you'll get promoted to SGA and get a big fat one dollar raise. Naturally, with boost in wages comes with more work. As  management level, you'll now be opening and closing the store, making sure the money is counted, all the games are processed, all the higher priced stock hasn't been stolen and the store is spotless when you leave. This process might be remotely possible if it weren't for the fact that you're scheduled 30 minutes to take the store from shit fest to mirror shine like you're superman on crack. In order to finish everything you need to do, you will be working off the clock. I'm sure you say there's no way in hell you'd work for free, but think of it this way: your options are do as much as you can until you're scheduled to leave and then have the district manager disapprove, or you can keep working until you get everything done and have the DM not pop your man cherry. GameStop will officially say they forbid working off the clock, and this directly goes against the fact that they expect you to do 8 hours worth of work in a 4 hour closing shift. I have to admit it's a really clever way to get people to work for free, which again incredibly illegal, without directly asking for it. Continue doing your to do your new management duties like you're some sort of masochistic freak, you'll get promoted to ASM. You'll now get treated working 40 hours a week, having to account for every game in store, and all the other things the manager is supposed to do, only you won't be getting any credit for it. Once you've proven you're the type of person that would work for meager wages when you're not working for free and you would also throw your own mother into a meat grinder if it meant selling a subscription, you'll get a chance to become a manager at the next store that has an opening. All you're hard work, and mastery of bullshiting the customer will pay off when you get spend the rest of your life being the DM's fuckpiece and being paid less than the smug junior college students that work tech support.

Part of being a SGA, ASM or GM is if something happens while you're in charge, it's on you. If some brat decided it's a good idea to climb the 360 kiosk when the GAs are too busy having a nose picking contest, you're going to get yelled at. If one of the employees decided to start hitting on the customers, the DM is going after you. Having to put up with occasional stupid employees would be tolerable if they were actually occasional. GameStop is an absolute magnet for the type of worker that was given lead flavored baby formula. When I started out, I wary of the fact that I could be laid off at any time. I had trouble getting numbers, I plain sucked at organizing games, and I would only get 2 shifts a week at the most. Then as time went on and new people came in, I learned the sheer fact that I actually showed up to work, did what I was told, and was capable of wiping my own ass put me miles ahead of almost all the people that GameStop hired. Now, I tried to be nice to the new people because I remembered how tough it was learning to get numbers and dealing with corporates’ ass backwards policies, but almost all new employees spend all five brain cells trying prove to worthless they are.

And Worse
First there are the ones that are shocked when they find out you don't play video games all day and are actually expected to work. When you give them a simple task like putting away games in alphabetical order, they'll just shove them in the drawer like you're as oblivious as a guard from metal gear solid. Then there's the 23 year old high school girls who can't be pried away from their precious cell phones. The line will be going out door, you're the only one working the register, the customers will be getting more pissed off by the second and she's busy texting someone who also peaked at 17. Expect to get the ones with no people skills who won't talk to a customer unless they're reserving. They'll start making sex jokes to kids, and absolutely must inform every customer about their superior taste in games. They're often former GameStop roadies who get hired to their dream job. Having no social lives of their own, they tend to hang around the store even when they’re not working to try and invent new ways to be irritating. Then there are the employees who end up becoming legends for their stupidity. There was a store that decided to put markers for each letter of the alphabet so the customers could find the games easier. Instead of letters, they decided to use pictures, IE, Apple for A and Cat for C. One of the employees decided to be cute and put a man with an afro for N and I don't mean Seth Rogan. If you're going to be a racist dickhead, at least don't be a retarded racist dickhead.

As you could imagine with this type of work environment most people don't stay for very long. My estimate is of the people that GameStop hires, only 1 third of them stay for more than 3 months. One third of the people that leave came from better jobs and leave knowing they can go work someplace decent. The other third are the aforementioned birth defects that get fired for being incapable of breathing and alphabetizing simultaneously. This is even more in ComData's pocket because I sincerely doubt they can put together the concept of a card having their money. GameStop also seems to have trouble holding onto people who have a shred of competence because managers also leave constantly realizing that there are places that actually obey labor laws. This means that the managing staff at just about any store changes constantly. I've had all sorts of managers ranging from nice, to slave driver, to special ed drop out. Revolving door management also means it’s piss easy to get promoted into positions where they give you 12% more pay for double the work.

Well if this job sucked so much, why did I stay over a year? Working at GameStop is like having to walk around with a toy car up your ass, as bad it is you'll eventually get used to it. On the GA level at least, the work wasn’t terribly difficult, just monotonous, irritating, and soul crushing. The best way I can describe being a GA is like being forced to grind in the world’s worst RPG where all the enemies are worth a single experience point and you level down every other battle. You do get some benefits between rectal intrusions. You get first dibs on the preorder bonuses that get sent in. If you reserved at GameStop and the employee says they're all out of the special edition stylus it's because the employees had a contest to see who could fit the most up their nose. We also got a check out system where you could rent games for free for 4 days. When I started, I was told GameStop's policy is that you can only do that for used games, but of course I later found out nobody enforces that rule. This is explains why the discs are scratched up when the employee is trying to convince you pay the new price for an opened game. But really, these benefits are ultimately just M&Ms in an endless sea of sewerage because the only rewards for being a hard worker and staying loyal to GameStop are constant reminders of how you're nothing but a 6 digit ID number.

The policies you have to follow are designed to make your job harder. For example, during the last week before Christmas the stupids of the world decide to hold a convention at their nearest GameStop. Unfortunately, the convention goers are unable to figure out the concept of a line. So we at the store wanted to create signs to direct them, but corporate wouldn't let us. Along with corporate's stupid policies, GameStop has a committee with the sole mission to find new corners to cut. The registers are computers with the processing power of brain-dead tortoise. This really gets be a problem when GameStop has those 10% trade in boost deals and people bring in truckloads of completely not stolen games. At the end of the transaction the computer has to calculate the boost, and you will be waiting there so the customer can get their 3 dollars extra trade in value just before bedtime. The electronics in the store have the habit of breaking if you look at them the wrong way. You will be dealing with a store packed like a can of sardines when the card readers will throw a fit and stop working. The TV and DVD player GameStop TV is supposed be shown on seem to know how much it sucks because they'll stop working in a matter of weeks. Even at the manager's convention that's attended by the store managers, district managers, regional managers, and everybody at the corporate level they cut corners. The food served was so bad, the moment people found out the brunch wasn't mandatory, they went to go buy brunch at the the nearest buffet officially breaking the 27th law of physics.

You're not even safe working at GameStop. Whenever I'd walk into another store, I'd hear how yet another store in the district gave out it’s donation to the armed and dangerous. There was a store in the next district that not only got robbed but the manager was also tied up and got his car stolen. There's even been multiple cases where the employee has been murdered on the job. When there was a string of robberies in our district, instead of giving us some decent surveillance equipment or a silent alarm, the only thing they gave us is a simple tip: don't be a hero. I have a feeling that’s not going to be an effective deterrent. Then there's GameStop selective policy enforcement. Employees have complained that people at management level have violated GameStop’s racism and sexual harassment policies. GameStop says they have zero tolerance policies, but they got nothing but a finger waved at them. That's right, put a dent GameStop's profits and the DM takes your urethral virginity, but if you wave around a noose in your birthday suit and then nobody gives a shit. I guess it's only zero tolerance if someone threatens to sue.

Everything I told you is considering that my store was a good store. We consistently performed, and the DM rarely got any complaints about us except from the occasional nutjob. People told us that despite there being other EB games or GameStops close by, they would go to our store because we actually knew stuff about video games, and we would be helpful even if you didn't want to reserve. We were an exception to GameStop's notorious lack of customer service and work ethic. We've complained to the corporate wanting better working conditions, and you know what they said? “You asked for the job”. I wonder what else can be justified with that logic.

I remember when I quit: some waste-of-genes soccer mom wouldn't shut up because her son managed to get a copy of Grand Theft Auto. Hey, I think it's a perfectly legitimate to complain that a retailer broke state law and gave her 7 year old a game that lets him wantonly create human hood ornaments. What isn't justified is complaining when you were the one that bought it, the GA that sold it to you warned you that it was rated M, but you were too busy being an incompetent parent to notice. My shift was over anyway and I was going to be damned if I was going yelled at for something someone else did that wasn't even wrong. I wrote up my letter of resignation and turned it in because I decided I'd rather be unemployed than work GameStop one more damn day..

Then 4 days later I got a new job. That same night my roommate told me a business next door to his dad's business needed somebody for their office. I applied the next day, and got called in an interview the day after that. Two days after that I got offered the job. My new job is 2% handling phone calls, 2% typing stuff into excel, 2% tech support, 2% backing up stuff onto a flash drive, 2% running basic errands, and 90% sitting on my ass and playing my PS2 on the office TV. I get more games now than I did working at GameStop because I actually make good money and get my games from places that don’t rip you off. If you’re an GameStop employee watching this right now, why are you still working there? The pay is bad by Ethiopian standards, the work makes you want to jump into a pit, and you know GameStop wouldn't pay the 10 cents a minute to call an ambulance for you. If you managed to keep your job at GameStop you've proven you can work and that you can sell even the most worthless crap. There are companies that actually value sales skills and let you make more than what you currently make a day in pure commission. Let me guess: you’re going to look for a new job starting tomorrow. How many times have you said that to yourself? Don't another one of those people who say they're going to get a better job and then end up working at GameStop when they're 40. Whenever a former GameStop employee walked into the store, I have yet to see them not come back better off and working at a place that pays better than an ASM. Even the ones that got fired for being a fuckwits come in making more money. Make time tomorrow to go find a new job, because the longer you wait to leave, the more money you lose from not working at a better job. You can blame GameStop for treating you like deep fried bull testicles, but you can only blame yourself of letting them treat you like that. And if your somebody that still wants to get a job GameStop, don’t say you haven’t been warned.

Conclusion
You may be wondering why someone would take 10 months of their life writing, copy/pasting, voice acting, and editing a video for free. My first reason is, you got it, petty revenge. GameStop used me like an asswipe for a year and there's no way I'm letting them get away with it.  Secondly, yes I have entirely too much time on my hands. Thirdly, I am highly motivated to stop this viral company from growing. GameStop had infected shopping centers in a way that would make Starbucks jealous. Is this a business we really want to have at every corner? Don't wish you could into a game store to buy a new game without having some tit try to convince you to pay $55 for a scratched game with no case that smells like it was owned by cheech and chong? Don't you wish you could have the employees understand the meaning of “no” when you say you don't want to reserve the next nicktoons game? Isn't it about time you could go buy a game without being harassed into buying a magazine that would better used to line the cage of spider monkey with explosive diarrhea? 

Think about how much damage GameStop as done to gaming. GameStop didn't become the largest game retailer by providing a superior product. On the way to the top, the companies they bought out have been violated in the ear. I used to go to EBGames all the time, and EBgames.com used to have a guaranteed case and booklet with games purchased online. Thanks to GameStop, that's now considered a fucking luxury, along with not being pestered, knowledgeable employees, and all the other policies that benefited customers that got kicked in the head during the buyout. It's depressing going to EB games now and seeing all the life sucked out of it. The employees at my EB always used to reminisce of how things were better before the GameStop buyout. Now that GameStop bought themselves to the position of largest games retailer, they now do whatever the fuck they want.

Now take a good look at how the developers are getting screwed. Whenever a top selling game would come out, we would get tons for launch and pretty much sell them all out. Within weeks we would have a huge stack of them traded in, and when GameStop sells those used copies, the developers make no money off them. I would estimate anywhere from a quarter to a third of the copies of God of War 2 I saw sold were used. This is a shot in the dark here but with 1000s of GameStop owned stores, I'm guessing this translates to thousands of copies being sold that developers aren't seeing any money from. I wouldn't have such a problem with this if it weren't for the fact that the difference between GameStop's new and used price was only 5 fucking dollars. It always amazed me when GameStop would get exclusive promos from the publishers because to me it's like giving a car to the guy screwing your wife. But then again the internet has taught me there are people into that sort of thing. With the game retail market the way GameStop wants it to be, it's nearly impossible for new developers to make any money. If you don't have money coming out your ass to make Halo 3 suppositories you won't be able to get your name out to get people to reserve. When you finally do get your game published, it's GameStop's policy for employees to do whatever they can to prevent you from making money of it. I'm not saying publishers should make games that self destruct when you try sell to it someone else. I don't think there's anything wrong with selling used games because then it'd be much harder to get good games that are out of print. I don't think it's wrong to allow people to reserve, and there's nothing wrong with selling magazines. But there is something severely wrong with the way GameStop does it.

Some people think digital distribution is going to kill GameStop because we'll be getting all our media through the tubes. Online distribution is great way to get unique content but, while wishing no offense to the folically challenged that believe this, remember that there was time when everybody thought we'd be driving rocket cars on the moon right now. Even if we do finally reach an age where we get everything from a  broadband connection, do we really want GameStop to be our main option until then? Every time you buy from GameStop, that's exactly what you're saying even if just a crappy madcatz controller. Waiting around for a messiah isn't going to solve anything. The only thing that's going to kill GameStop is for us to start speaking with our wallets. 

So where exactly am I going with all this? I’d like to ask you viewers out there for 2 favors. You’re probably thinking the first is not to shop at GameStop. While that would cheer me up quite a bit, that’s really just curing the symptom instead of curing the problem. Even if GameStop went out of business tomorrow, another company with a nasal fetish would spring up in it's place. Our shopping at GameStop says to other companies if you want to make billions, you do it by giving people piss poor products and service. It's part of a disturbing trend of McDonaldization in American businesses where instead of focusing on quality and making the best product and service for the consumer; they go for quantity instead by trying to jam as much shit as they can down our throats. They can get away with this because the ignorance of the average consumer who doesn't know that they're being ripped off. The only way to stop ourselves from being exploited to be informed consumers. Companies like GameStop can't survive in an market where consumers know their options and look for the best deals.

My second request is, no not sign a petition, but to inform others. Whenever you see a good deal, a lesser known quality retailer, or conversely some company trying to pull some bullshit shenanigans, let other people know so they can become better consumers. GameStop's best customers aren't hardcore gamers. They're the “Gaming Illiterate Soccer Moms” and Casual Gamers who enjoy the occasional game of Madden, Call of Duty, or Rock Band. But if they knew what hardcore gamers knew, this would swiftly change. Keeping other's informed goes double for employees because they know the workings of their companies better than anyone. If you tell people the bullshit that you see as an insider, companies like GameStop won't be able to get away with $45 mark ups and treating their employees like a buttplug. It's kind of funny how the employees at my store were always talking about organizing a class action lawsuit for all the flagrant labor violations, but nobody actually did anything. Hopefully now the lawyers will come to them, and you employees out there should probably start documenting the specific violations you see so you get more money.

I know there's people watching right now who say I have no right to bitch because their job is much sucks so much more. I acknowledge that there's worse jobs that GameStop as anybody that's worked in the food service industry can tell you. Then why don't you tell us about the shit that you see going on? Thanks to the internet, anybody can blow the whistle on companies that exploit. Audio editors like audacity are free, windows movie maker is free, microphones and headsets are dirt cheap, and youtube will distribute your rant for free. For you disgruntled bank employees, I personally would like to know how to get the bank to stop trying to get me into debt. You don't have to copy/paste together 3000 frames, you can just put an image with your recorded voice. In fact, I'm going to start doing that more because this video was supposed to be out over two months ago.

I can't help but wonder what GameStop's reaction is going to be if these video gets a decent amount of attention. At first they'll do the standard corporate “deny, deny, deny” trick. Of course that's gonna won't hold water because when the lawyers give the employees the choice between a cash settlement and saving the asses of the people that took their ability walk right, they'll sing like canaries. GameStop'll will try to say the violations are “against our policies”, but policies do no good unless you actually make an effort to enforce them. There were no secret shoppers to make sure stolen merchandise wasn't traded in and phone calls to make sure we got our breaks. You just know GameStop will start a commercial campaign. They'll show a clean store with quality used games, helpful multi ethnic staff and testimony from satisfied customers. It'll be kind of like how McDonald's started running all those retarded ads for salads after Supersize Me came out. GameStop's commercials will probably highlight prices from bullshit comparisons as though being cheaper with on a few items compensates for hundreds of nostril cherry popping markups. Expect them to promote “deals” that don't make a damn difference and are meant try to sell games they're having trouble getting rid of anyway. I can see GameStop treating a customer like royalty or half assing an employee sting, so they can play it over and over again to make people think that that's the type of standard service that GameStop gives.

GameStop will probably try to bribe employees. I expect something transparent like $10 giftcards instead of, you know, decent wages. When employees claim their giftcards, they'll likely have to sign a paper to verify they got them and also reserves GameStop the right to neuter them with the rusty spoon if the talk negatively about the company. Here's to hoping that most of the employees will see through this, which is pretty wishful thinking. I can see GameStop countering with youtubes of employees being forced into making the company look good. There will be at a small handful legitimate of videos from employees in denial of the fact that their job sucks. They'll try to justify the absurd mark ups by saying “It's a business”. I wasn't aware profits justify ripping people off. Maybe I should drop out of college and switch careers paths. These employees will also try to justify mark ups by saying new games have low profit margins. While publishers should do more for retailers, I'm going to break it to these employees that GameStop isn't exactly having trouble putting baby meat on the table. I'm sure there's GameStop employees that genuinely like their jobs, but as you've already shown all your friends, there are also girls like like eating shit and puking into each other's mouths.

Do be advised if you decide to blow the whistle on GameStop, you'll have to watch out for the GameStop's Internet Goon Squad, which some people like to call the GameStop-o. They're dedicated to scouring the Internet looking for employees that sell stuff on E-Bay or say things that make GameStop look bad. Come to think of it, whenever somebody posts a GameStop bashing thread, there's always those same posters that jump to the company's defense, but I don't think I've seen that happen on forums that aren't open to the public. Don't worry too much about GameStop-o because the aren't exactly bright, as in they've actually private messaged employees on a forum expecting them to reply with their name and store number. They're probably watching this right now. Hey, guys remember me? From the other night? I was the one fucking your mother? You know, specifically number 42 in line?

I do expect GameStop to post a statement nitpicking trivial stuff as though a minor inconstancy discredits this whole series. They might try to say what I saw are isolated incidents, that only happened in my store, district, or region. That won't fly because I've worked at multiple GameStop stores during my stay at the company. Since my store was one of the few that had competent employees, other managers would repeatedly try to poach us. I have to say there's bound to be few outdated facts; It's been 6 months since I worked there. Even then, I've talked with employees from different stores in different districts, and chatted with employees from other regions and it's all the same fucking story. Oh and if you dipshits honestly think that the stores look the same the days when you're not coming in to inspect them, or that we don't dismember you with our minds when you review the store, you're twice as retarded as I think you are.

I expect GameStop to run commercials where they say “We've Changed”. I've kept in touch with GameStop employees and yes GameStop has changed. Stores are now rated on how many complaints they get, which is just fucking stupid. Instead of trying to improve customer service by running business that gives quality products and service, they fall back on the same numeric bullshit. By just counting the complaints instead of actually listening what the complaints say, people can easily make up some stupid story and threaten to call the DM to get whatever they want. Stores are now also rated on how many employee leave the company to try to put a lid on the obscene turnover rate. I assume this is to try to keep experienced workers because they get better sales. If it's also to try to make managers more picky to prevent them from hiring stupids, I can tell you from my first visit to a GameStop in 6 months that it isn't working. GameStop is also now focusing more on overall sales instead of just the standard numbers. So instead of bugging you into buying just used games, reserves, and subscriptions, they'll ceaselessly try to sell you whatever they can. GameStop will probably change some of their polices, but what they won't change is the fact that their business is fundamentally based on giving people for peanuts for their games, selling them back at ridiculous mark up, and making underpaid, overworked employees pester customers into buying things they don't need.

In closing I'd like to officially apologize for wasting 70 minutes of your time. Hopefully you've at least walked away a more informed consumer. Now when I say “be informed” I don't mean you have to do hours of research before deciding between nacho cheese and cool ranch. Just doing a quick google search should at least give you an idea of how much something should cost when you shop. With Google and sites like cheap ass gamer that allow you to communicate with other informed consumers, you really have no excuse to not know better than to shop at GameStop. I'd also like to say something to those people that know about companies rip people off worse or treat their employees worse than GameStop: we want hear about it. Instead of telling 10 people when you have a bad experience, tell 1000 people. The internet loves when you hate on things so much it can lead to a 400% increase in site traffic. I'd also like to say something to those other corrupt companies that are currently shitting themselves because their employees are going to expose their bullshit. Remember: A happy employee is a quiet employee.